smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
