I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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