who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
