I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
