What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
