I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
