Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
