Dual....:-)
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
