Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
