Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When are your genitals available?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Two words: nipple clamps
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