Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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