i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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