We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im holly from the hills drunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
