Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
