you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
