Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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