Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
