yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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