i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
