So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
