so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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