My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This baby is an asshole
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
