remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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