i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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