I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
