I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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