i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
