the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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