So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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