At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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