True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did i walk over a car last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
