Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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