if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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