My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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