oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
