NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
