She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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