Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I want is dick and wine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
