I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
