She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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