i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
