Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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