I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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