Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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