Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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