Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
