Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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