roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
