it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
