i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
