I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize