so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
