I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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