it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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