when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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