You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
