I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
NoShamevember. You game?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
