Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
