She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
