I am in a vortex of obligation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
